Friday, 28 May 2010

Please Don't Bridezilla

Okay so I've had this weird recurring dream lately.
About my sister Bethanie.
Turning into THIS:

A Bridezilla. I'm not sure why. She hasn't actually given me any reason to feature her in such a way in my dreams. Who knows? All I know is I hope it doesn't happen!

I'm pretty sure it won't. At the very least, two of her three bridesmaids are already married, and I'm sure we'll have lots of wise old-married-women (*smirk*) type words to share with her. And if not us, my mum definitely will. Just to segue for a moment, did I mention that my whole little family is in this bridal party? I'm a bridesmaid, my gorgeous husband is a groomsman, and our little Berry is the flowergirl! Back to the story.

So if I was going to tell you my wise old-married-woman-type words on this subject, this is what I'd say: DON'T STRESS!!!! Yes, it's an important day, and a happy day, but at the end of the day, it's just a DAY! (Whoah I don't thikn I've used the word 'day' so much in one sentence before!) What I mean by that is, people put SO much stress, effort, time, money, and in some cases sweat and tears (hopefully not blood) into the planning of a wedding, only to find that six hours later, it's just a distant (albeit precious and beautiful) memory. Don't get me wrong, I certainly put a lot into planning my perfect day, but I came to realise that I should be putting a heck of a lot more into planning for the marriage, than for the wedding day. Because it's true what they say, marriage isn't always a bed of roses. And it lasts one heck of a lot longer than the wedding day! Some days are hard, and sometims you have enough of hanging around the one person ALLLLL the time, and sometimes you just need a girlfriend, and husbands don't cut it. Sometimes they leave their little bits of hair from shaving allll over the sink, and forget to hang their towels up, and have to be reminded to do 'their' chores every single day, and leave the margerine on the bench every morning (don't worry, I'm sure my husband has a list of annoyances about me also).

Sometimes, you actually have to make an effort to not go to bed holding a grudge (which by the way is one of the most important rules in our marriage). There is also lots of stuff that you should talk about before you actually get married. Big things, like having an idea about where you'd like your future to take you, how many kids you'd like to have and when, where you stand on discipline for children, financial stuff..who's going to take care of which responsibilities... stuff like that. But there's also lots of little things, like are you each going to have equal share in household chores, or who is going to do which chores; how you feel about people staying with you; where you are going to keep the toaster (ok so that one's an in-joke); man I remember even having discussions when we were first married about the way I fold underwear! Ha.

We actually did an awsome pre-marital councelling course, through an Anglican Church group (though the program itself is secular) called Kinnections. We did one session with a group of other engaged couples, and one on our own. They taught us LOTS of communication skills - which we took on board and still use to this day. And they had this massive list of the little things which you should talk about before you get married, and we got to go over them and have Big Discussions, and go into our marriage with a pretty clear understanding of each other, and 'us' and what we wanted and what we stood for. I would recommend it to anyone. I think it cost us around $150 for the two sessions, but I see it as a very worthwhile investment into one of the most important things in my life.

So anyway, what I'm saying is, the wedding planning and leadup and the day should just be FUN! It's a time to share with family, and friends. A time to get closer to your mum. A time to let your friends spoil you, and let lots of well-meaning people shower you with advice (just remember you only have to take on the stuff that you want to!). And it's a special season with your husband-to-be that can never be repeated. I think it's sad how we will it away, instead of embracing and revelling in it. Happily-ever-after lasts forever, after all.

So anyway Bethanie, my dear sister. Chillax, enjoy, don't rush, breath and smile. We're all here for ya, and we all want to make your day and all of the important days before it, really awesome. Please don't make my dreams come true!!


  1. I couldn’t agree more with the pre-marriage course Zoey. Jeff and I are doing one at moment and it is just fantastic. We’ve covered so many topics and talked so much! And I agree, invest time into the wedding but invest much more into the marriage (I totally have to remind myself this whilst planning our wedding too.) You have some wonderful wise words Zoey and I’m just imagining little Mayana as a flowergirl (cuteee!!)

  2. Wise wonderful words Zoey Joy. Don't worry, Boo's feet are on the ground. We're all looking forward to another beautiful family memory to make. Love you and you're right, it is a great time to get even closer to your mama! xxoo


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