Sunday, 29 November 2009

lonely is so lonely alone

We’ve lived her for four years come January, and I still somehow feel like an outsider.

I’m not homesick like I used to be in the first year, when we’d come back from our numerous trips ‘home’ and I’d curl up on our bed and cry because I didn’t want to be here. I’m relaxed here now. I’m happy in my space, my house. And not unhappy in this town, just not totally happy. Lonely.

Sundays are hardest. Because growing up, Sundays, after church, we would almost always either have people over or go to someone’s house or do something. Here not so much. Maybe 3 times this year. If that.

And it just makes me a wee bit sad. I miss having PEOPLE! This is not a small town, but it totally has that small town vibe. It’s hard to get ‘in’. People have either lived here forever or are married to someone who has, and they have family and lives here.

Don’t get me wrong, we do have friends, there are people here that I will miss when we leave, I’m just not so sure that this town will miss me, or notice when we leave.

My gorgeous hubby is the best, and things would be crap without him. Most days he’s (and Mayana of course) all I have. We only see each other, speak to each other. And it’s great, I love him beyond anything, but sometimes I just wish I had a girlfriend.. someone who I could ring anytime- no wait, someone who would actually think to ring ME and want to spend time with me.

One more year. One more year.


  1. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

  2. Oh I totally hear ya Zoey, it is definately a hard place to get "in" with people. we have been here 5 years and are still trying!

  3. Hi Zoey. I totally understand what you are saying. I've been living in America for almost two years and I still feel like a stranger here.
    I haven't really had a girlfriend since we got here and it is hard some days. DH is great but its not the same as having a girlfriend to chat to.

    Hugs to you xxxx

  4. 'I can be your friend, dum de dum, I can be your friend, If your hair is red or yellow, we can be friends and eat my jello'...

    Surely you remember that vegetales song!

    Anyway, on a serious note, I need some serious advice and wanted to know if you wanted to be 'penpals' (as such- all 21st century through e-mail and all). How do you study and have Mayana at the same time? I'm struggling so much with that!

    I think we are at the same spot in life and we could be good friends.

    My e-mail address is, if you want :)

  5. I know what you mean Zoey. I know people here where I live but it isn't the same. I just don't get the same friend vibe. Sometimes I think maybe I am too different and not cool enough for them.

  6. Yikes Zoey! I hear ya. This is exactly what I'm worried is going to happen to us next year...People keep telling me that it's easy to meet people with a baby, but I'm still not 100% convinced. Have you found it easier since having Mayana?
    -Lou xx


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