Over the past few weeks I have had four dreams where I have discovered strange rooms in our house. Like, rooms I didn’t know anything about, and suddenly there was this whole new section to our home that I’d never seen before. The first one was just weird, and I put it down to pregnancy, but when it started to reoccur I grew curious. So I turned to Google (what would we do without it?), and amongst a whole lot of borderline creepy new age-y stuff, and the above picture, I found that the thought is that these kind of dreams happen when your subconscious is getting you ready for surprises in your life - new interests, goals, potential ventures, and/or unexpected possibilities, and whole unexplored parts of yourself that you never knew existed.
Weird. But then I thought about it more and began to realise how much our life is about to change.
The obvious one is a new baby. Having three children is definitely going to be a big change in our life. I remember reading an article once by this mother who was totally overwhelmed by the idea of having more kids than hands, and I can tell you now that I completely relate. I feel somehow like this jump between two to three is going to take a bigger stride than the one between one and two. It’s going to mean changes in our home too; we’ll have to shuffle bedrooms and the ‘Making Room’ so that we can all fit. Lots of change, in lots of ways.
Reuben is finally having his endoscopy procedure next week. We will hopefully have his diagnosis confirmed, and, God willing, can hopefully get the answers we need to start to close the door on that yucky chapter of his life. This will definitely be a good change.
We are also entering a new phase in our life that is going to last for many years. School. We will for the first time be ruled by a strict routine. Little Tadpole is going to have to fit naps wherever they fit, because there will be a school run to consider! It’s going to mean earlier nights and earlier mornings, lunchboxes, homework, uniforms, commitments.
And then there’s Mayana. My beautiful girl who is, as I write this, at her very last day of Kindergarten. Who in about 52 days begins her schooling journey. I’ve written before about how confronting I’m finding this season. It’s one of those things that has always been looming.. you know it’s coming and you try to prepare yourself for it, but all of a sudden, it’s here! Those seemingly endless days of full-time Mayana, where I’m her number one and we get to play and learn and do everything together, they’re almost over. I know some of those things will stay the same but I also know it will be different. Almost like I’m handing over the reins to another person to help bring her up. Mayana is so excited, and I know that she will thrive at school. She cannot wait to learn how to read (I think she believes it will magically occur after her first day), and told me last night that she plans to read to our whole family every single night. She is going to make lots of friends and learn so many new things and love every minute of it, I have no doubt about that. But I am going to miss her.
I keep thinking about the year that I worked, and Pete was at home with her. I remember on my first day, it was so overwhelming… meeting all these new people, learning about my new responsibilities and systems and how things work, and all the time with this huge dull ache in my chest, thinking to myself what am I doing! I should be with my baby! My baby is not my baby anymore. She’s a confident and self-assured, outgoing and bubbly, beautiful, kind and friendly nearly-five-year-old. How on Earth did that even happen! I could never keep her from this just because I don’t feel ready, and the thought hasn’t even cross my mind. But I am finding it a lot to process. I’m an over-thinker, I always have been. My brain literally never stops. Ever.
We took her to her Prep orientation the other week and she was so excited to meet her teacher, whom she greeted like royalty, and happy to recognise some familiar faces of kids who will be in her class. She spotted dress-ups and was adorned in a flowing princess gown before we knew it. She coloured in and played with playdough, did a painting, decorated a biscuit, and played with her Papa in the playground. She looked right at home. We bought her school uniforms, which will probably not need replacing until about grade three by the looks of how big they are, and she just about was bursting out of her skin! She’s so ready for this. And I am nearly ready to let her fly. I love watching her grow, I always have. She’s a seriously cool chick, and I’m so genuinely proud to be her Mama. Of course, I’m going to be pretty much eight months pregnant and surging with hormones on her first day of school and can pretty much guarantee that there will be tears.. but also that they will not be from her.
So maybe my weird room-dreams do make sense. I think I have a lot to learn about me, in this new stage of parenting – the one with three kids and the one with a school-aged-kid. Hopefully those new parts of me will be as cool as the random rooms I discovered in my dream house.