37 weeks {and counting down}

Full term. Technically. The baby could literally arrive any time now. Given that I went early with Reuben (on this exact day of gestation actually) I have this (probably irrational) expectation… and hope…  in my mind that the same thing will happen again. I’m as ready as I can be (I won’t have to go shopping while I’m in labour this time!), and the longer I wait the more I start to make myself nervous about the whole giving birth again thing, and remember how much it bloody hurts!

It’s a weird part of your pregnancy, where you’re uncomfortable and big and hot (dude it’s been 38 degrees this week!!) and just waiting. Every day when I take Mayana to school, her teacher says to me, “You’re still here!” Hopefully it won’t be too many more days of that before it’s my mum or sister dropping her off and telling her teacher that it’s finally happened.

Such a weird thought that any day now our whole family is going to change in the biggest way, although experience reminds me that within mere hours of him being born I won’t be able to imagine life without him. It’s still so abstract at the moment. That wriggling little thing that keeps kicking me in ribs and makes me tummy look all misshapen and poking me in places that shouldn’t be poked is soon going to be my son… a baby in my arms and at my breast and filling up our lives.

This week the midwife told me that she was surprised she hadn’t seen me on the weekend at birthing suite. So that’s got to be a good sign that things will happen soon, right? In the meantime I’ll be here trying to convince myself that it’s more likely that I’ll be overdue, just so that it doesn’t bite too much if it does happen…

Coming to the end…

Today I’m 36 weeks pregnant. *Gulp*!

I am feeling well, enjoying the slight reprieve from the awful heat. I am tired, mostly because sleeping is becoming more and more difficult. To the point that I’m actually looking forward to the newborn days! I am cumbersome and finding it harder to maintain my energy levels, and playing trucks and trains on the floor with Reuben is becoming less possible. I can no longer buckle up my own shoes! The baby seems to have dropped a little in the last few days, which is a nice relief to my lungs, and also to my poor bruised ribs which have had tiny feet hooked around them for the last few weeks… ouch! I’m wondering if this baby is going to be a bit bigger than the others, because I don’t remember that being such a problem before. I am having a huge amount of Braxton Hicks… the plain old tightening ones, and then some that feel suspiciously like early labour pangs, even occurring at a semi-regular pace.

Tadpole, by all accounts, is going well. He is obviously growing, moving, hiccupping (a lot!). He is facing head down and it seems that all systems are go. We are just at the waiting stage really. I know I technically have four weeks until my ‘due date’, but the fact that I went into spontaneous labour at 37+1 weeks with Reuben is heavy on my mind. I am by turns wishing for that to happen again, and then filled with waves of anxiety that I am sooooo not ready. We haven’t even cleaned up the bassinette or washed the teeny-tiny baby clothes yet! Plus there’s that whole giving birth again thing. Youch!

Peter and I have been playing the name game for about the last four months. Over the weekend, we think we have finally found one that will stick. Maybe. We have been known to change our minds. I can’t believe how much we are struggling with this one!

It’s feeling really surreal. This pregnancy was a big surprise… a very happy and welcome one for sure, but it definitely took us a while to adjust to. Then the timing over Christmas and New Years and holidays meant that I didn’t really get into the swing of midwife appointments until the last two months or so. I didn’t even have my glucose test for gestational diabetes until last week! We have been so busy with Mayana starting school and everything that the end of this pregnancy has really snuck up on us. Before we know it, we are going to be parents of three children. Wowzers!

Mayana is Five

My beautiful girl.

I can’t believe that you have been in our lives for five whole years. I somehow feel like I have always known you, but also that these last five years have gone by in the blink of an eye. How can it be that my wrinkly little 5lb 2oz baby is all of a sudden this great big girl, so clever and confident and beautiful, about to start school!

I’m so proud of you my girl. There are so many times each day that I look at you and my heart feels like it literally is swelling in my chest with how much I love you. You are seriously gorgeous, with your long blonde hair and your sparkling blue eyes. You have the most delightful smile, and your giggle never fails to bring a smile to my lips.

You are so kind, and you care so deeply for people. You are really invested into your relationships with friends and family, and people mean everything to you. You love to think of ways to include other people in the things that we do.

I love the kind of sister that you are. Sometimes your brother is awfully annoying, I know. He can be so rough with you, and he LOVES to touch your things, especially when you don’t want him to. Most of the time you are so patient with him, and you try to include him when you can. Just today, he was playing with your brand new stroller that Grandma Suki bought for your twins. You must have told him 200 times these last few days that you don’t really want him playing with it. Today, instead of yelling at him to put them back, you decided to involve him in your fabulous imagination instead, and invited him to babysit your girls while you were getting ready for the day, which he did ever so beautifully for you! You love to hold hands with him across the back seat when we are driving somewhere, and if he won’t give you a kiss and a cuddle when he first sees you in the morning, your heart is almost broken. You truly do adore him, and I hope and pray that you two will always love each other and be close. I can’t wait to see how this new more grown up version of yourself will be with your newborn baby brother when he arrives in a few more weeks!

I think one of the things that you are most known for Mayana, is your incredible imagination. I love how creative you are and how absorbed you can become in make-believe. Sometimes it frustrates you that other kids aren’t able to keep up with what’s going on in your games. You can’t fathom how they can possible not see the pretend baby you are asking them to hold, or why they are not passing you the lettuce so you can finish making your burger!! I love listening to you play with your toys, when you give everyone different voices and have them involved in complicated situations and conversations.

Your other big love is learning. You are genuinely very clever (and I’m not just saying that because I’m a proud Mama). You love to ask questions and figure out not only how things work but why. You like to know things from every angle, and you retain everything you’re told or hear. Sometimes I’m surprised at the things that you know! You particularly love letters, and the thing that you are most excited about with starting Prep this year, is learning to read. I think you’re under the impression that you’ll be an expert by the end of day one. You already can name all of the letters, and tell what sound they make, and have started to figure out how that relates to reading. I catch you sounding out words, or using the first few letters on a sign or book to figure out what the word says. You can write the names of everyone in our family, and you constantly ask me how to spell certain words so you can write stories  underneath the amazing pictures that you draw.

You are still a little girl in so many ways, thank goodness! You love fairies and princesses, and Peppa Pig, and Bananas in Pajamas and Playschool (actually pretty much any show on ABC4Kids is okay with you!). You still love being creative and doing any kind of artsy-crafty activity… especially painting. I don’t think a day goes by where you don’t at least have your drawing book and textas out – and your pictures are delightful! You love all the colours, but still have a soft spot for pink, and you like anything that’s girly – especially if it has a bit of bling or sparkle!

You also love Jesus, and have an unquestioning faith that is both humbling and inspiring. Your immediate response upon hearing that someone is sick or hurting or sad is to pray for them. When I told you on that morning last October that Oma had passed away during the night, you asked me why I was crying when I knew I would see her again in Heaven. There was no doubt in your mind of the fact, and I know that the way you comforted many of our grieving family members (including myself) with such compassion during the days around Oma’s funeral, was extremely touching and special to them. My sweet, kind girl.

Oh Mayana, I am going to MISS YOU when you start school next week. Next week! This has just arrived far too quickly, and I’m afraid I get a huge lump in my throat and tears in my eyes that spill over more often than not when I think about it too much! We have been the best of buddies for the past two years, and done so many things together and learned so much together. I still wish we could have done more! I know I’m going to be the kind of mum who relishes school holidays for the time I’ll get to spend with you, precious one.

I love you, my beautiful daughter. I’m so proud of you and the way you are growing up. I have loved getting to know you and watch you become your own person over the last five years, and I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you! As you say to me, “I love you around the whole planets and back a hundred times”. I really do.

Love Mama.

You can view Mayana’s 5th Birthday Interview HERE:

Her 3rd birthday video is here. Prepare to melt from all the cuteness!!

The Third Trimester

I’m 28 weeks pregnant all of a sudden, and already a week into the third trimester. This pregnancy is literally flying by.

Things are still going well, though I’m not loving the whole combination of ridiculously hot summer and third trimester, but on the upside I do at least have air conditioning and a recliner chair when things get too tough! My hips, sciatica and lower back have been giving me a lot of grief, I really do think I’m going to need a visit to a physio before this is over.

Baby wise though everything is great. I had my first midwife visit last week, and she was only concerned when she measured my fundal height (where they measure the distance between the pubic bone and the top of the ‘fundus’/uterus) and discovered that it was measuring about four weeks ahead. Fundal height is not the most accurate of measurements, especially when you are in your third pregnancy and well and truly pre-stretched; but it pays to be safe rather than sorry, as there are a few conditions that advanced fundal height can be a marker of. So she booked me in for a surprise ultrasound just to check how the baby was measuring, and to make sure there’s the right amount of amniotic fluid in there.

So on Friday I took my mum up to the hospital for a sneak peek of baby Tadpole. Here I must admit that I haven’t been entirely honest with you, dear readers. I mentioned in an earlier post that the baby had been quite uncooperative in our morphology scan and almost all of the pictures were blurry. Well that is true, they almost all were, except for one picture that we really did not want to see. In spite of very clearly telling the sonographer that we did not want to know the sex of our baby, she left a lovely, VERY clear, between-the-legs shot for us on the disc of images we took home. So clear in fact, that upon seeing it, Mayana immediately turned to me and demanded, “Mama! Is that a willy?!!” And indeed it was. And yes, baby Tadpole confirmed to us on Friday that as well as being a total exhibitionist, he is definitely a he! I am somewhat disappointed that we are missing out on the surprise that we were so excited about, but very happy that we are going to be having another beautiful son.

A happier surprise was that at the end of our scan on Friday – which by the way was completely fine, Tadpole is measuring perfectly on dates, and the reason my fundal height was off was that he is laying in the right position, head down already, on his tummy with his little butt right up in the air—or in the top of my uterus as the case may be! – the sonographer switched the screen over to the 3D setting and we got a beautiful 3D shot of our lovely son! (he has his hand over his left eye, and despite plenty of prodding with the ultrasound wand, he wasn’t moving it!!)

So today is less than twelve weeks until our baby’s due date, and if I want to really freak myself out, I remind myself that Reuben was born less than nine weeks from this point! There is so much on between now and then that I’m sure that time is going to disappear in the blink of an eye, and we are going to be holding this gorgeous little fella before we know it!

Changes

{image credit}

Over the past few weeks I have had four dreams where I have discovered strange rooms in our house. Like, rooms I didn’t know anything about, and suddenly there was this whole new section to our home that I’d never seen before. The first one was just weird, and I put it down to pregnancy, but when it started to reoccur I grew curious. So I turned to Google (what would we do without it?), and amongst a whole lot of borderline creepy new age-y stuff, and the above picture, I found that the thought is that these kind of dreams happen when your subconscious is getting you ready for surprises in your life - new interests, goals, potential ventures, and/or unexpected possibilities, and whole unexplored parts of yourself that you never knew existed.

Weird. But then I thought about it more and began to realise how much our life is about to change.

The obvious one is a new baby. Having three children is definitely going to be a big change in our life. I remember reading an article once by this mother who was totally overwhelmed by the idea of having more kids than hands, and I can tell you now that I completely relate. I feel somehow like this jump between two to three is going to take a bigger stride than the one between one and two. It’s going to mean changes in our home too; we’ll have to shuffle bedrooms and the ‘Making Room’ so that we can all fit. Lots of change, in lots of ways.

Reuben is finally having his endoscopy procedure next week. We will hopefully have his diagnosis confirmed, and, God willing, can hopefully get the answers we need to start to close the door on that yucky chapter of his life. This will definitely be a good change.

We are also entering a new phase in our life that is going to last for many years. School. We will for the first time be ruled by a strict routine. Little Tadpole is going to have to fit naps wherever they fit, because there will be a school run to consider! It’s going to mean earlier nights and earlier mornings, lunchboxes, homework, uniforms, commitments.

And then there’s Mayana. My beautiful girl who is, as I write this, at her very last day of Kindergarten. Who in about 52 days begins her schooling journey. I’ve written before about how confronting I’m finding this season. It’s one of those things that has always been looming.. you know it’s coming and you try to prepare yourself for it, but all of a sudden, it’s here! Those seemingly endless days of full-time Mayana, where I’m her number one and we get to play and learn and do everything together, they’re almost over. I know some of those things will stay the same but I also know it will be different. Almost like I’m handing over the reins to another person to help bring her up. Mayana is so excited, and I know that she will thrive at school. She cannot wait to learn how to read (I think she believes it will magically occur after her first day), and told me last night that she plans to read to our whole family every single night. She is going to make lots of friends and learn so many new things and love every minute of it, I have no doubt about that. But I am going to miss her.

I keep thinking about the year that I worked, and Pete was at home with her. I remember on my first day, it was so overwhelming… meeting all these new people, learning about my new responsibilities and systems and how things work, and all the time with this huge dull ache in my chest, thinking to myself what am I doing! I should be with my baby! My baby is not my baby anymore. She’s a confident and self-assured, outgoing and bubbly, beautiful, kind and friendly nearly-five-year-old. How on Earth did that even happen! I could never keep her from this just because I don’t feel ready, and the thought hasn’t even cross my mind. But I am finding it a lot to process. I’m an over-thinker, I always have been. My brain literally never stops. Ever.

We took her to her Prep orientation the other week and she was so excited to meet her teacher, whom she greeted like royalty, and happy to recognise some familiar faces of kids who will be in her class. She spotted dress-ups and was adorned in a flowing princess gown before we knew it. She coloured in and played with playdough, did a painting, decorated a biscuit, and played with her Papa in the playground. She looked right at home. We bought her school uniforms, which will probably not need replacing until about grade three by the looks of how big they are, and she just about was bursting out of her skin! She’s so ready for this. And I am nearly ready to let her fly. I love watching her grow, I always have. She’s a seriously cool chick, and I’m so genuinely proud to be her Mama. Of course, I’m going to be pretty much eight months pregnant and surging with hormones on her first day of school and can pretty much guarantee that there will be tears.. but also that they will not be from her.

So maybe my weird room-dreams do make sense. I think I have a lot to learn about me, in this new stage of parenting – the one with three kids and the one with a school-aged-kid. Hopefully those new parts of me will be as cool as the random rooms I discovered in my dream house.